Memo 001: Meet the Assistant.

[prpl_assistant]

A. Action for 1337 Benny Road.

[The first thing Miss Pauling notes when she opens her eyes is how bright the bedroom is. She shuts her eyes tightly, having not yet readjusted to the light. However, when she opens them up again, she immediately notes something else.

The walls around her weren't coloured purple.

Confused, she reaches for her glasses at the bedside table, only to note that they weren't her usual optic wear either. They were just the wrong shape.]

That's strange, where are my glasses...?

[Her hands fumbled around for her familiar pair of spectacles, until she accidentally knocked over the lamp with a resounding smash.]

Ooops.

B. Phone

Hello? Is there anyone there? I...I think I've been kidnapped!

Comments

[burnmycapital.livejournal.com]

It is necessary to protect them while they are here.

[prpl_assistant]

Is there something that they should be protected from?

[burnmycapital.livejournal.com]

Sometimes bad things happen.

[prpl_assistant]

Bad things? [She felt her throat constrict ever so slightly. ] What sort of bad things, Mr. Ivan?

[burnmycapital.livejournal.com]

There were razor blades in the milk a while ago, and then people went crazy and tried to murder others.

[getsciencedone.livejournal.com]

....I see.

[Still thinks that's a little strange.]

That depends on how strange they are. If they think you're really their mother then they're only drones. If they know you shouldn't be here, then yes they were kidnapped as well.

[prpl_assistant]

[ Something was definitely not right with this Mr Ivan either, she decided. Judging by the calm and childish way he was speaking to her, he either had had a lot of experience with death and dying, or he was missing a few screws loose. But he was giving her a lot of information...]

Alright, I think I got the danger aspect of this place. How about the people aspect? Is there anyone I should look out for, Mr. Ivan?

[prpl_assistant]

A drone? I'm sorry, but what is a drone?

[getsciencedone.livejournal.com]

The people who think that all of this is normal and you've lived here forever.

[prpl_assistant]

[ She gives one of the "drone kids" a sideway glance. The child seemed perfectly normal, perfectly happy, and perfectly well-behaved as she gave Miss Pauling a perfect smile. There was something just too artificial over the girl though. Too robotic.]

So, they're not real people then? Are they just robots then? ((OOC: Oh the irony.))

B

[freakinblur.livejournal.com]

[That voice is kind of familiar. Scout thinks it over a moment before answering.]

Sorta. Hey, do I know you?

[haveaplan.livejournal.com]

No worries, you didn't break any skin. I'll just put some ice on it.

Sit down, eat. I'll brief you about this place once we're done.

[getsciencedone.livejournal.com]

[......VOICE IS SUDDENLY HARD AS ICE.]

No, they aren't.

But thank you for telling me I'm not a person. I suppose I'll just let you sort the rest out by yourself since I'm not real enough.

B -- Have another Scoot!

[vitalizes.livejournal.com]

Yeah, yeah.

Why should any'uhus care if you've been kidnapped or not, huh, lady?

[This Scout doesn't recognize her voice right away, and since he can't SEE her, he has no idea if she's a 'hot babe' or not.
He's just going to be his smartass self for the moment.]

[burnmycapital.livejournal.com]

People who have brains, yes? If they look angry or sad or seem out of place in another way, they have ones.

[And she is probably right on both accounts.]

[prpl_assistant]

Miss Pauling waited until the Sniper was done with the ice before she started eating breakfast. Some part of her mind screamed at her for how surreal the whole thing was, and another part was berating her for sharing a meal with the RED, for disobeying the Administrator.

Umm...so I take it that you didn't kidnap me here?

[prpl_assistant]

[Well, she definitely knew who that was. ]

Mr. McCann, this is Miss Pauling speaking. And I definitely would be glad for some answers.

Re: B -- Have another Scoot!

[prpl_assistant]

One reason being that I'm the one who sends your performance reports to the Administrator, Mr.Jones. If she doesn't get them in time, neither will you get your salary.

[Miss Pauling definitely knows who's on the other side of the phone; his constant yakking with the Director and his flirting with her are still incidents fresh in her mind.

[prpl_assistant]

Wait, what? I, I never said you weren't real. I just said...

[Que lightbulb and guilt as she figures it out. ]

...you're a robot? Oh. OH. Wait, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to insult you, it's just...I didn't know robots could talk. Or answer the phone.

[prpl_assistant]

So...anyone who's not acting as if this whole charade is normal, is someone who's stuck here just like us?

[getsciencedone.livejournal.com]

I'm an AI. Artificial Intelligence. And just because I happen to be stuck in a disgusting human body here, doesn't mean I'm human.

Also? I could talk and answer the phone, LONG before I arrived here.

There are other robots and non humans here as well, so you might want to put your insulting human superiority away before you talk to anymore people.

[prpl_assistant]

Miss, I really apologise about what I said. I didn't mean to offend you in any way. It's just that...where I come from, we didn't have any AIs, and robots couldn't talk or think for themselves.

I really, really am sorry.

[She does feel very mean and horrible about it. Plus, there's a sinking feeling in her gut when she hears "robots and non humans". What did this person mean by that?]

[getsciencedone.livejournal.com]

[And her voice is just terse and business like now. But less hate filled. Caroline is reminding her they need to be polite even with idiots. /that is no offence to Miss. Pauling, but Caroline needs to calm GLaDOS down somehow/]

My name is GLaDOS. Genetic Lifeform and Disc Operating System.

You're in Mayfield. We don't know how or why we're here. But we are. Impossible things happen here, an example being an AI in a human body.

People come from all sorts of different worlds here. If you die you'll just wake up in bed the next day. The town loops so we can't leave. And once a month the town enjoys torturing us by locking us in rooms with idiots or making us drink poison.

[haveaplan.livejournal.com]

Wouldn't dream 'f kidnapping you. It's th' work 'f 'ooever runs this place.

(And he starts teal deering about what he knows about Mayfield between bites of breakfast, his brain still not quite having processed the "boss' second-in-command is my not!wife" thing. He's simply decided that he's not going to think about that right now and treat her like he would any other new arrival.)

[freakinblur.livejournal.com]

Pauling! The hell, now yer here? That's a long story, sister, but pretty much? Yeah, ya been kidnapped 'n' dragged to pretty much the suckiest place on earth.