Memo 001: Meet the Assistant.

[prpl_assistant]

A. Action for 1337 Benny Road.

[The first thing Miss Pauling notes when she opens her eyes is how bright the bedroom is. She shuts her eyes tightly, having not yet readjusted to the light. However, when she opens them up again, she immediately notes something else.

The walls around her weren't coloured purple.

Confused, she reaches for her glasses at the bedside table, only to note that they weren't her usual optic wear either. They were just the wrong shape.]

That's strange, where are my glasses...?

[Her hands fumbled around for her familiar pair of spectacles, until she accidentally knocked over the lamp with a resounding smash.]

Ooops.

B. Phone

Hello? Is there anyone there? I...I think I've been kidnapped!

Comments

[un-beau-coquin.livejournal.com]

Oui, you 'ave been, in zhe oddest sense. 'Ow are you faring, mademoiselle?

[prpl_assistant]

[She could hardly believe what she was hearing. A ro-, no, a created personality was speaking to her through the phone, and had just told her that there were people "from all sort of different worlds" in this place. Different worlds. She felt like she was in some sort of science-fiction novel now.

But she did still feel bad about Ms GLaDOS. Plus, she was still helping her out, even though she'd insulted her, albeit unintentionally.]

Thank you Ms GlaDOS for the information, it was very helpful. I still have a few more questions, but if you would prefer it I could ask someone else instead.

[prpl_assistant]

[When the Sniper's done, she sits there picking through the remains of breakfast with her fork. She's still trying to process all that he's told her, but it is a lot to handle. Things like drones, the Mayor, Lucy Smith, milk...

Wait. Her fork hovered over the plate as the realisation suddenly sank in. If what the Sniper was saying was true, that she was in a simulation of some sort, and that she was supposed to play the role of the "housewife"...]

Does...does this mean I'm your...wife?

[The last words comes out as practically a squeak. The Administrator was so going to kill her; instead of being friends, she was now somehow married instead! ]

[prpl_assistant]

Mr.McCann, I would prefer if things were kept professional between us? Though I would like further clarification on what you just said. And why you are still here, even. I would've thought that a BLU mercenary would've been able to escape this town.

[prpl_assistant]

I'm doing fine, thanks for asking. This IS the RED Spy, right? The kidnappers must certainly be very clever if they can trap you here. Were you just kidnapped like me?

[haveaplan.livejournal.com]

(Having never seen Miss Pauling freak out about anything, he finds this both amusing and worrisome. Half of him thinks: "Huh, so she's human after all." and the other half: "I don't look forward to holding down the bunker when things really goes to shit.")

In name only. Th' master bedroom's all yours. I 'aven't slept there for over a year, and I don't moind taking most 'f th' chores.

We're not th' only ones 'ere, either. For RED, there's also th' Spoi and th' Pyro; for BLU, their Spoi, Pyro, Scout, and Medic.

(He, of course, has yet to find out about the other new arrivals since he isn't omniscient.)

[un-beau-coquin.livejournal.com]

Oui, I am zhe RED Spy. I am razzer glad you can tell me apart from my incompetent counterpart.

Mais oui, I am also trapped. It is more-- ozzerworldly means zhan cleverness, mademoiselle. Ozzerwise none of us would be stuck 'ere.

[prpl_assistant]

Oh, ok. That's...that's a big relief. Not that you wouldn't make a good, umm, husband, I guess, but you know the company policy. No friendships allowed between civilian staff and mercenaries. I don't want to think what the Administrator will do to the both of us if this ever got out, alternate reality or not! And thanks for the offer. But where do you sleep then?

So, there are more BLUs than REDs than? How has that worked out for all of you?

(She's doing to be careful about this; in such close proximity of all the other mercenaries, there's a real danger she might grow attached to them. Especially the RED Sniper, seeing as they would be living together.)

[prpl_assistant]

Otherwordly? Could you please explain?

[haveaplan.livejournal.com]

We've got an unofficial ceasefoire going, but th' BLU Spoi just keeps on doing 'is thing.

It's roight irritating, but it's 'is job, after all.

[prpl_assistant]

Unofficial ceasefire. Right.

(She wonders whether she should comment on the whole "no best-buds" thing between the teams, but for now she decides she'll hold her tongue and wait it out. Besides, it would make it easier for all of them to get out if they weren't busy trying to blow each other up on a daily basis.)

Well, thanks very much for the meal. I'll do the dishes, it's only fair that we share the chores, seeing as we're living in the same house now.

[un-beau-coquin.livejournal.com]

It is for lack of a better word. Nozzing 'ere truly makes sense; zhere is no logical explanation for what is 'appening. It is razzer ridiculous, really.

[haveaplan.livejournal.com]

We're 'ardly 'olding 'ands and singing around a campfoire. We're just troying t' stay civil t' each other because there's bigger things t' worry about.

(He nods at her when she offers to do the dishes.)

Appreciate it.

[prpl_assistant]

(She picks up the plates and starts clearing up the table)

So, how long have you been here, Mr Mundy? It sounds like you've been here for quite a while.

[prpl_assistant]

I see...

(The fact that the RED Spy has no idea on how things work here is a bad sign; she knows he's one of the best, and if the best can work it out...)

So, you wouldn't happen to know why we are here in the first place, would you?

[haveaplan.livejournal.com]

(Nods.)

Almost a year and a 'alf.

Th' record 'f being around th' longest goes t' th' BLU Scout, though.

[freakinblur.livejournal.com]

Trust me, I tried 'bout every way outta here, and there ain't none. Ya really think I'd be here fer a year 'n' a goddamn half otherwise?

You, me, everyone in this town - kidnapped 'n' put into a fake family. That's the short story version.

B

[knowsabout.livejournal.com]

A lot of people here have been kidnapped, I don't think it's to much to worry about though. It's interesting, or at least as long as you get along with the people in your house it's fine.

[prpl_assistant]

A year and a half!? But you haven't been gone that long back in...I guess you'd call it our world.

[prpl_assistant]

A year and a half...but I just saw you fighting the RED team just yesterday, before I came here.

And is there any reason for us being put into these fake families?

[prpl_assistant]

I'm afraid that I have a very important job back home that I can't afford to take days off for. Have the kidnappers ransomed any of the prisoners back, Ms...?

[haveaplan.livejournal.com]

That's a relief t' know, but it's not loike I'm indispensable. RED's got plenty 'f good Snoipahs.

[prpl_assistant]

(She looks a lot happier, now that she's figured out time isn't the same in Mayfield as it is back home. Looks like she's saved from answering the Administrator.)

You're not too shabby, Mr Mundy. RED picks only the best out of the best.

Seeing as it's possible that I'll be stuck here for a long time, is there anything I can do in Mayfield?

[haveaplan.livejournal.com]

You may get assogined a job, but you moight not. If you don't, you could go around th' neighborhood gathering intelligence.

That remoinds me, you'll need a gun. This place isn't safe for Civilians.

(He gets up and nods towards the living room.)

Wot sort 'f foirearms are you most familiar with?

[prpl_assistant]

A job? (She thinks about that carefully. She would like one, to be honest. She couldn't imagine just being a stay-at-home sort of person, with nothing to do. Plus, maybe a job would keep her out of the house, and hopefully away from the RED Sniper. That way she wouldn't get too close to him. Hopefully.) I'll head into town later and take a look around.

(She finishes the last few dishes and dries then before putting them onto the rack. When the Sniper mentions guns, her eyes light up immediately.)

You wouldn't happen to have a Colt Single Action Army revolver, would you? It's a single action revolver with six cartridges. Something like the RED Spies Ambassador, but it packs a stronger punch.